An Invisible Fight: Stories of Hidden Mental Illness

The “A” Student

Everybody wants to be her,

And she knows exactly how to be.

Her hair is always straightened,

And she flirts effortlessly.

She’s the captain of every sports team,

The president of clubs,

She aces every paper,

But she’ll never feel good enough.

She’s always number one

And she has to be the best, 

‘Cause what would she be without

Her achievements and success?

Despite her perfect group of friends,

She’s lonely nonetheless

As she’s her own worst enemy,

Her own expectations never met.

She becomes obsessive and dependent

On something far worse than any drug,

It’s the praise that people grant her,

That’s the only thing that makes her feel loved.

It feeds her fear of failure,

And dread of doing wrong,

Because the way that people see her

Means more than happiness ever would.

Although these are just numbers, 

Doubt and fear corrupt her life

Until all that’s left is a shadow,

Of the person deep inside.

She’s got a wall of achievements

Built up so high,

That no one can spot the struggle

That will slowly consume her life.

No one sees this invisible battle,

How could they ever know?

No one worries about those ‘perfect’ ones,

The one whose life we think we know.

This perfect girl you see, 

She’s not real.

Just a persona of a person,

Founded on perfectionism and fear. 

She is loved, she’s not broken 

And she meets the standards set,

By a society in which your worth

Is determined by success.

And so I ask you to stop and think, 

Before you judge another,

And check in with those perfect people,

Who never seem to struggle.

Trapped Between Two Kingdoms

There are two identities I hold inside me,

Each from a different kingdom.

There is one that I present to the world, 

The other, it remains hidden.

When people look at me they see cheerfulness

And they think I’ve got it made, 

But no one ever waits around long enough

To see my smile fade.

Behind my successes lie,

A world that’s unknown.

One of sadness grief and misery,

Fear and angst lie undisclosed. 

Anxiousness, regret, and fear,

Can be easily hidden

Behind a curtain of perceived happiness.

You see my charisma, charm and wit,

But that’s not the full extent of it.

See, behind these walls lies an anonymous struggle

Of heartbreak, fear, and pain.

I want to be the person you see

So I’ll pick myself apart,

Regardless of how it makes me feel,

Or damages my heart. 

Although I wish that you could see 

This hidden part inside of me,

I’d rather you not think less of me. 

So I’ll hide my buried pain

‘till you can’t see me,

The real me,

The one from the other kingdom.

The Monster In Your Head

You will never see Me,

But you’ll know I'm always there.

I’ll slowly make you frantic,

To Me you will devote all of your care.

Causing a dull yet unspeakable ache,

My claws will thrash inside your chest,

But no scars will ever be visible,

No matter how painful it gets. 

I’ll hide behind the trees

In the forest of your mind, 

And make you believe I don’t exist,

I’m impossible to find.

And if I’m not real then you must be

The Monster, ruining your life.

I’ll make you feel unworthy of love,

Alone in all your strife.

I’ll slowly make you hate yourself,

And when you look in the mirror all you'll see is me,

I am your whole life now,

A stolen identity.

Nothing will ever silence Me,

More you suppress Me the bigger I become,

But feed Me to keep me silent,

And the more you will succumb,

To a pain so unbearable,

But you won’t know where to turn,

As no one else can see Me,

You’re the only one to which I’ll ever speak a word.

Although I’ll only hurt you,

You believe I am your friend.

A whole new brand of capture-bonding,

In which your life depends.

Those sticky thoughts you can’t let go,

I’ve written them Myself.

They’re based on all your greatest fears,

And so you’ll blame yourself.

Some Monsters live in closets,

You’ll find others under under beds,

But your Monster will always be with you,

The Monster in your head.